There was a time when I didn’t leave the house for almost three months consecutively. The first thing I did when I woke up was vomit and the thought of leaving the house, even just to go to the shop, brought me to tears.

You see, when I was a teenager I had a severe anxiety disorder that dominated my life for over a year. I should have been out enjoying myself with my friends but the thought of stepping through the front door just made me feel (and be) sick.

After three months of being pretty much housebound, I had to start college – a thought that absolutely terrified me. In the mornings I would be sick up to five times before I could leave the house and I would have to carry a plastic bag with me incase nausea struck on the way. I had to arrive early to lessons so I had time to go to the college bathrooms and retch some more. Social events were out of the question as the mere thought of them had me in an anxious frenzy.

I considered it a good day if I had been sick on only three occasions.

Halfway through my first month of college I was at an all-time low. I couldn’t see it ending and had basically resigned myself to the fact that I would have to live like this forever. My health was in tatters and I had lost my friends and my boyfriend because of it. I was ready to give up.

Then something changed.

I decided that this thing inside of me would not ruin my life any more. I decided that I did not want to spend the rest of my life worrying about the quickest route to the bathroom in case I needed to be sick. I decided that I did not want my days to be ruled by the stomach-sinking ‘I’m going to be sick!’ feeling. I decided that I did not want to be the girl who never went out, who never did anything, and who never made the most of being alive.

So I got help. In one of my sessions I wrote a list of the things I wanted to accomplish in the next few years. After being stuck inside for so long, getting out and seeing the world was top of my list.

Seeing the world…

It wasn’t easy and I had to start with very small steps.

First a bus ride in my home town (yes, getting on a bus is kind of out of the question when you can’t even leave the house), then a day trip to London. Slowly but surely I started to get my life back on track. A long road lay ahead, but I was over the moon when I made it through a whole week without being sick. I could do this.

So I booked a trip to South Africa.

I was eighteen and had never travelled outside of Europe before but I decided to jump right in at the deep end. If I could do this then I could do anything. And I’m so glad I did. It was the hardest test I have ever put myself through, but it was also the most rewarding.

Travel has this funny way of showing you the bigger picture. When you step outside your bubble you realise that there is a whole world out there. A whole world that keeps plodding along whether you are anxious, scared, or sad. I had spent so long wrapped up in my own worrisome world that I had forgotten to remember how insignificant I was in the great scheme of things. As mad as it sounds, this was the snippet of knowledge that I needed.

Cheers travel!

I still get anxious, scared and sad now (who doesn’t), but all I have to do is remind myself that there is a whole world out there that keeps on spinning regardless of what I’m doing. That period of my life was a huge, horrible time for me but it was less than the tiniest of tiny ripples for the rest of the world. And that is very comforting.

I hate looking back on that time of my life and try not to, but whenever I do I get a warm glow knowing how far I have come since then.
Travel is a great way to put your life into perspective which is one of the reasons why I love it so much.

I don’t take anything for granted now. Particularly being outside and enjoying the world.